It's about time. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am that the media is finally paying attention to bullying and the effect it has on children, well in to their adulthood, and possibly their whole lives. I seldom, if ever, talk about my own experiences--perhaps it's about time I did.
My brother and I were both brutally bullied in grade school. Sadly, my brother got it the worst. When I think back to the things that happened to him, it breaks my heart to this day. Among being called horrible names, my brother had a sharp pencil jabbed in to his backside. He was hit hard enough that it went through his pants, puncturing his skin, and breaking the led off, which then became stuck. He was held down in the bathroom while several boys spit lugies all over his face and in to his mouth. He was followed home from school and taunted, to the point that I, being his older sister, stepped in and hit several boys younger than me because I couldn't stand to watch it happen.
Although I wasn't physically assaulted, I was threatened, I was followed home from school being called awful names, and I was shunned. Why were we being teased so much? Because we didn't have money.
Like a great deal of young kids who are bullied, we didn't tell our parents. First of all, I didn't want to hurt my mom who was a single mother working full time to care for her three kids. Second of all, what child wants to "tattle" on a bully when they know nothing will happen and it will only make things worse? Because of this, victims of bullying keep it all inside, feeling lonely, less than, and depressed. Their self-esteem is diminished, they learn not to trust people, and for a great deal of them, these feelings are carried well in to adulthood.
The seemingly small effects of name calling are much larger than most people think. The brain is still developing when we are children, our life experiences shape who we are. Through life, we create schemas which shape how we see the world. Once they are established, it's hard to see it any differently--it's scientifically how the brain works. In young children, it's not as simple as "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." Names do hurt--emotionally, and physically. Remember this next time you are tempted to tell someone to just "suck it up."
Depression is a cycle that could stem for various reasons, but it is often the result of traumatic events. Usually, there is a trigger.. something happens, a person becomes depressed, no one wants to be around a depressed person because they are "no fun." The depressed person loses friends so they feel alone, resulting in more depression. They no longer have a social life, feeling even more alone, and through time they establish the belief that they cannot trust people. Thus, depression affects their job, their relationships, and their self perception. They feel unloved, worthless, guilty, and angry. Sometimes they will become bullies themselves, sometimes they will withdraw entirely-living alone and in fear, and sometimes ... sometimes they will take their own lives.
There is such a stigma associated with depression. It is so easy to say "just get off your ass and go outside, but these people can't. It becomes a part of them, and they don't know how to. It has also been scientifically proven that higher levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, eventually shrinks the hippocampus in the brain, this is called hippocampal atrophy. Putting it bluntly, major depression causes BRAIN DAMAGE. You can't just "snap out" of brain damage.
It is extremely important for parents to teach their children not to bully others, and to embrace differences. My mom always taught us that we are all God's children, that he loves us all equally. She instilled in us to be kind to those who are less fortunate or different than us, and if we were ever caught making fun of others, we were punished. Schools also need to create an open environment for victims of bullying. No child should feel that they have to put up with poor treatment out of fear of retaliation due to a lack of proper handling by figures of authority. It's time this matter is taken seriously and not brushed under the table. There are too many advances in science that prove the consequences are far more than we ever imagined to continue to ignore it. I would never want my child to feel the way that my brother and I felt in school. On the same token, I would never want my child to cause another child to feel that way. It's every bit as bad.
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